Ever have a break in time where your feel like the whole world has moved on and for some reason, you are stuck? Maybe it was a loss of a loved one, a loss of a job or losing a home. In the financial crisis that has been happening over the past few years I never realized the devastation that losing a home could be. I watched houses all around us get foreclosed on and it never really sunk it that a family was losing their home! Soon they would be shuffled and all they knew would be changed in a very short time. In February 2015, we too, lost our home. Not to foreclosure but to a fire.
I watch as the whole world seems to go on and I want to scream, "we lost EVERYTHING!" In reality we didn't lose everything. We have our kids and pets and everything else is just "stuff" as many like to point out. I want people to understand and yet they can't. All that "stuff" was 20+ years of memories and items we had purchased to make our house a home. Can it be replaced, some of it. Are memories only stored in photos and handmade quilts? Of course not, but I just want the world to acknowledge our pain. I feel like no one wants to hear of the troubles. I try hard not to be a "pity party" kind of person, but can someone please understand the devastation this has caused our family!
I recently visited with a friend who I have not talked to since our fire. She said to me, "well I said you could let us know what we could do and you never called." First of all, we lost our phones so the message you left was never received. Secondly, if I had a penny for everyone who called or messaged me in the first few days saying they'd help I'd be rich. If I gave a penny back for everyone who did nothing to help I'd be broke. Words are fickle, you have to follow through.
It has made me open my eyes to the kind of friend I have been. Friends who have had surgery or sick kids with chronic issues. Friends with cancer or who have lost a loved one. How many times I have I been the one that says, "let me know how I can help." And waited for them to reach out to me?
That can't be how it works, we have to show up and provide care. A meal, flowers, a prayer, a hug or even just an "I want you to know I'm here."
Within a few hours of our fire I was sitting across the table with the Red Cross volunteers and they told us that people would be all over us to help in the first few days and then there would be no one. Man did he nail it! He said, "you need to divide them up into categories where they can help and use them, they want to help." That was far easier said than done as we lived in complete shock for about the first month. However, we did ask for help with getting instruments to be cleaned....nothing. Help cleaning as we headed into a rental that had a filthy kitchen...nothing. Help moving.....almost nothing. Help getting the house ready to put on the market when I hurt my back.....nothing.
Oh yes we got bags and bags and bags of clothes and donations and gift cards and we ARE SO GRATEFUL, but we need to not take the easy way out. We need to be involved in the lives of people. Will it be messy? Yup. Will we see tears and hear things we don't want to? Absolutely! Will we get tired of hearing the same stories and complaints? Probably. Will we be the kind of friend who truly lives the word "friend?" You betcha! Will we be blessed because we were a blessing? You better believe it!!
This journey we have been on has been the scariest roller coaster of my life and roller coasters are always more fun if they're filled with friends. I challenge you to be the friend someone needs today, I know I am going to bring a meal to someone who I should have visited a week ago and I just put it off. Not today, today I will follow through!
